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The referee's Christmas stocking

By
Tuesday 25 Dec 2007

If Santa Claus could bring the referees a stocking, what would be in it? We have found a dozen to take us through the 12 days.

1. A prophecy-fulfilling appointment to Lansdowne Road/Millennium Stadium/Newlands/Twickenham/Eden Park/Murrayfield/Stade de France/Tetra Stadium. (Choose at least one.)

2. An immaculate assessment from the assessor.

3. Teams as docile as an ox and an ass.

4. All tries born of advantage.

6. The winning points scored with a conversion in the last minute.

7. Lots of TMO decisions in full view of the camera, each bearing the good news of tries scored.

8. Coaches as calm and worshipful as Bethlehem shepherds.

9. Wise administrators who bear gifts.

10. TV commentators who always get the laws right with angelic insight.

11. Awestruck spectators who mutter not one boo that is audible but sing praises instead.

12. Only first class plane tickets and five-star inns - not a lumpy camel or a one-star stable.

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