Dear Santa: rugby365s gift list
With Christmas upon us, we thought it would be the perfect time to hand out a few well-timed Xmas gifts; most of which have the 2011 rugby season in mind.
Every year at rugby365.com we have managed to intercept a few letters bound for the north pole for a certain man with a certain white beard. Of course, we all know that that is not actually possible - after all, Santa uses email these days!
Seriously though, we thought we would stay out of Father Christmas's way this year and simply compile our own list of XV presents (it is rugby, after all!) which we believe will make the 2011 rugby season a better place for everyone.
So, without further ado; Dear Santa... this year we'd like the following gifts for the following rugby people - please:
(1) A copy of the movie, Talladega Nights - for Brendan Venter. Ricky Bobby's first interview in that movie ("I don't know what to do with my hands... ") was way funnier than Mr Venter's 'Mike Bassett: England Manager' version. Not that Venter's wasn't funny - it must be said!
(2) A pot of honey - for the Sharks Rugby Union. To help lure away any bees that might attempt to delay anymore kick-offs at the Shark Tank next season.
The attack of the killer bees at Whatsitsname Stadium...
(3) Rescue Remedy - for Bakkies Botha. To keep the big lug as calm as possible in what is going to be a massive rugby season for everyone.
(4) Scrumcaps - for Jimmy Cowan and Lewis Moody. Both Cowan and Moody were the 'recipients' some of some massive head butts this past year - courtesy of Messrs Botha and Mealamu (respectively). Just ask Gio Aplon - having a scrumcap when you get smashed in the head does help... a lot!
(5) The phone number of English publicist Max Clifford - for Chiliboy Ralepelle and Bjorn Basson. Both Springboks tested positive for a banned stimulant during the Boks' year-end tour of the British Isles and are facing their hearings next year. Mr Clifford, it seems (as we have seen with the much talked-about Shrien Dewani trial), is able to defend anybody.
(6) The book, The Boss: the Many Sides of Alex Ferguson - for Peter de Villiers. Love or hate the little man, he is here to stay; so surely reading a few pages from arguably the world's most successful sporting manager would be a huge help to easily one of the most misunderstood sports people in world sport?
(7) A tighthead prop - for Robbie Deans. Clearly, this guy can coach and, clearly, this guy has a potent backline at his disposal. However, one thing he does not have at his disposal is a tighthead prop capable of holding his own at the highest level.
(8) Nerves of steel - for the All Blacks. Look, let's not beat about the bush; the All Blacks are the form team and the undoubted favourites going into the 2011 Rugby World Cup on their own soil. A lot, however, can happen between now and October 23 (the date of the RWC Final).
(9) A Dan Carter clone - for All Blacks coach Graham Henry. Whilst on the topic of the All Blacks (see above), there is no doubt just how valuable Dan Carter is to New Zealand's World Cup chances. The Kiwis need a back-up for him... and fast.
(10) A pair of rugby boots - for Gavin Henson. Everyone's favourite orange-coloured Welshman will be making a long-awaited return to rugby over the next few days. We just hope that he's got a pair of rugby boots and he doesn't arrive at Vicarage Road - or Wembley - with a pair of dancing shoes in his kit bag!
(11) The Heyneke Meyer Manual on How to win Big Trophies - for Rassie Erasmus and the Stormers/WP management. Played two, lost two... It wasn't a bad year for the Stormers and WP, but they suffered losses in two finals in 2010 - in the Super 14 and the Currie Cup - and it had to hurt... a bit...
(12) A few proper English-born backs - for Martin Johnson and co. With Kiwis Shontayne Hape and Riki Flutey having played at centre for England in recent times, and SA's Brad Barritt lurking in their shadows, talk is that Samoan Manu Tuilagi (the 'little' brother of Alex and Henry!) could be the next foreigner playing with a Red Rose on his chest. The English rugby team is starting to look more and more like an England Ashes XI...
(13) Consistency - for citing officers, commissioners, etc. There once was a man named Bakkies who was very naughty with his head - he was then not allowed to play rugby for nine weeks. There also a man named Keven who was also naughty with his head and he was banned for two weeks. Along, then, came Mr O'Connell and he saw red for 'striking', resulting in a four-week ban. Does that sound right to anybody? Is there any consistency there?
(14) Rugby at the Cape Town Stadium - for ANYBODY. Ok, now this is courting disaster... and no doubt plenty of abuse from our loving readers... but with rugby having moved to Soweto - and two soccer venues - this past year, how about playing a big rugby match at a world-class venue like the Cape Town Stadium in 2011?
(15) An exciting and enjoyable rugby year in 2011 - for all our loyal readers. Without trying to get too soppy; thanks for all your support throughout 2010, everyone. The 2011 year is shaping up as yet another exciting one and we cannot wait to bring you all the latest news, views and interviews! (Also, if we could ask for just one thing in 2011 - all we want is an invite to Pat Lambie's 21st birthday party... even if it could potentially clash with the RWC Final!)
Little Pat Lambie - Barely out of his teens.
Who or what have we forgotten?! Do you have any gifts you would like to hand out on Christmas Day? Leave your comment(s) below!
By rugby365.com