Greetings from Paris!
Whether this is an act of pure altruism or a just an ugly gloat is for you to decide, but we thought we'd bring you a taste of Paris as the World Cup Final looms ever nearer.
But what is there to say about La Ville Lumiere that hasn't been covered by countless poets and artists? It's beautiful, graceful, alive, inspiring ... and full of drunk rugby fans.
Actually, that's not quite true. Since France's exit at the weekend the festival has lost a little bit of momentum. Right now it resembles a wedding just after the bride and groom have departed to conjugate their vows. The drunk uncles from England and South Africa continue to stumble across the dance floor whilst everyone else looks on from the tables, slightly the worse for wear, planning their next move.
Or, to be precise, trying to figure out why they didn't plan their next move. A veritable tsunami of fans in white jerseys - and plenty in green ones - is expected to come crashing across La Manche ahead of the weekend, but black still seems to be in vogue at the moment.
Poor Kiwis. They sit huddled around tiny tables in tiny squares staring into the middle distance. The colour of their kit and the pallor of their cheeks brings to mind so many Italian windows.
"What now?" they seem to be thinking. "Why must I live this life alone?"
But life moves on, new suitors will soon come along - for their tickets at least - and Paris is just not a viable venue for depression.
Credit to the French - they have put on a wonderful party. Parisians are not famous for letting their hair down, but they have entered into the spirit of this occasion with gusto.
The rugby vibe is palpable everywhere you go. Tenuous links between all manner of products and the sport have been seized upon with relish - A Chabal burger? Rugby real estate? - and flags, bunting and balls hang from every available hook. The daddy ball dangles like an out-sized egg from the underbelly of the Eiffel Tower, itself adorned with giant screens playing back-to-back rugby - it's an egg-chaser's dream.
But the humble scribes have no time to loll on the lawns of Champ de Mars - yes, sound up those violins. In an obvious attempt to help us work off some of the cheese and wine, the four remaining teams agreed to set up camp on the four points of the compass. Consequently, our days are spent getting lost on the Metro, failing to find taxis and begging for directions in incomprehensible schoolboy French - all in that order.
But it's not all bad, of course. The tournament sponsors take it in turn to throw daily shindigs - last night it was on Emirates, tonight it is on Visa (not mind, I hasten to add) - where the good and the great of the game are invited to mingle with us mere mortals.
These events see former England captain Martin Johnson popping into view more often than a lost hack on the Metro, and he lorded over last night's event at 'RugbyTown' - a mess of marquees plonked in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.
The last time I interviewed the big man was on the eve of England's World Cup victory in 2003. On that occassion he declined an offer to sit and chat over coffee, duly conducting the interview bolt upright, arms folded across that vast chest, directing his words over the top of my head.
Despite the intense burning in my upper arm, I resisted the urge to balance the dictaphone on my noggin and stood like the Statue of Liberty as his pearls of wisdom rained down on me - there we were: two indomitable warriors going toe to toe.
Retirement has ground down Johnno's granite edge, and his frightening frown has even been known to break out into a warm smile. But that furrowed brow made a return as the great unwashed began to fire questions at him.
Take it from me: if you ever happen to find yourself stuck in a lift with the great man, try not to ask him anything silly.
SEEN AND HEARD:
+ A defiant barman pinning the French and South African flags above his doorway.
+ A giant billboard proclaiming 'Tout Derriere les Bleus' ... now partly obscured by fly-posters.
+ The same mangy tout who roams Twickenham station on match days whispering his sweet nothings on the Champs Elysees.
+ France star Aurelien Rougerie contemplating the vicissitudes of life, with the help of a large beer, in a cafe on the same avenue.
+ An ashen-faced Australian at Gare du Nord greeting a gaggle of gold-jerseyed inter-railers with the words: "Listen, guys, I've got some really bad news..."
+ The "world's largest rugby ball", bearing the inscription '100% New Zealand', looking slightly deflated near the Eiffel Tower.
+ Meanwhile, rumour has it that British prime minister Gordon Brown will wing it over for Saturday's Final. The Scot, who lost the sight in his left eye whilst playing rugby at school, joked that he was behind England's effort "now that the only impediment to my full support has been removed by Argentina".
+ The presence of the PM doesn't seem to be enough for most England fans - hands up who has been invited to join the Facebook group "The Queen must attend the Rugby World Cup final"?
+ The headline of L'Equipe after France's shock win over New Zealand was printed in English and read 'So French'. Sunday's headline, after France's 14-9 loss to England, read 'Tellement Anglais' - 'So English'.
+ "I'll be going back to training with my English club [London Wasps] soon, and it will be hard to see my team-mates." - France captain Raphael Ibanez predicts some gentle stick.
+ "The game's almost gone back by a decade - it's the 1990s again. It's about set-pieces, it's about field position and scoring points when you get in the opposition's half." - Eddie Jones, former Wallaby coach and current Bok assistant, gives his usual verdict on England.
+ "England are one of those funny teams. When you should beat them you don't, when you shouldn't beat them you do." - Bok star Bobby Skinstad can't make head or tail of it either.
+ "I am glad for England. Last year at the end of their tour they were pretty down." - Bok prodigy Francois Steyn proves himself a good sport.
+ "Two of the skinniest men on the pitch taking the big man on - things like that were happening all around the park." - England flank Lewis Moody sums up his side's spirit by pointing to Toby Flood and Paul Sackey's double-tackle on France's Sebastien Chabal.
+ And here are some stats to go with your pork scratching: England's win against France on Saturday was their fifth in World Cups where they had trailed at half-time, the most second-half comebacks by any team in the history of the World Cup. It was the sixth time a team had come back from a half-time deficit to win in this edition of the tournament, already more times than any previous World Cup. Teams have come back from a half-time deficit to win a total of 24 World Cup matches.
By Andy Jackson in Paris